WRITING 

Holding Mom and Mendelssohn 

Adelaide Literary Magazine,  No. 63, May 2024

I think I will always remember this warmth which emanates from her tissue-thin and freckled skin. I feel as if we are transferring bits of each other; that she is taking from me that part of myself which will accompany her when she moves from life to death.
It is the summer of 2005. The air is smog free … clear and beautiful. It is 1:30 pm. I am sitting in a chair next to her bed in the ICU at Mt. Sinai hospital in Los Angeles.  The radio is tuned to her favorite classical music station, 105.1  It is known as K-Mozart in radio land. I face her and my right arm nestles alongside hers. Weeks ago I flew to my mother’s bedside from my home in San Francisco…read more

A Birthday Duet

Signal Mountain Review,  Volume  IV, Issue II, Fall, 2021

I had been waiting for the other shoe to drop since September 2014 when my 21-year-old son went AWOL from residential treatment in North Carolina. Max had unraveled about a year earlier as a college freshman in Olympia --- a result of copious amounts of alcohol, various recreational drugs, mania, and complete deregulation. A three-week stint in a highly regarded psychiatric hospital in Salt Lake City produced a copious discharge report citing bipolar disorder, addiction, and a host of anxiety issues. My hope was that the residential treatment program in North Carolina would reset my handsome boy with the chocolate brown eyes…read more

Letting Go

Crack the Spine, Anthology XV

I kept a firm grip on my eight-ounce cup of freshly brewed Starbucks while whispering a barely audible “Thank you” as I paid the cashier presiding over the mélange of doctors, nurses, and visitors in the hospital cafeteria.
I made my way slowly to the elevator, trying to think of some distraction to delay my ascent from the street level to the sixth floor; I made a detour to the ladies’ room. I was terrified. The prospect of helping my sister and brother decide how long we would sustain my mother’s life overwhelmed me. I felt helpless, angry, and confused. I kept wondering if we should do absolutely everything to keep her with us for as long as possible. I worried that she and I had more to say to each other and more to share. Most terrifying was that she would leave too soon, and I would not be ready to manage my own life…read more